Are you going to find out what you're having?

....Well I really hope it's a baby! Oh and that it has all the required parts and my cervix is good and the placenta is good. That's what I want to find out.  I know people tend to live in the moment and are just so happy that I am pregnant and now 19 weeks (tomorrow). Some may not remember or even realize the struggles we've faced. Some just want to "think positively" and assume everything will be perfect! Hell, that's what I would love to do. But after 8 years and 5 losses, I can wait until the delivery room to determine if it's a girl or boy!

But I cannot forget what I have experienced. I cannot pretend that just because we have suffered ALOT already that it means we get a free ride with this one or any future pregnancies. But I hate being the Debbie Downer. So I am just vague about finding out about the sex. I want to say "that's really not important to me at this point." Maybe for the next week I will say that! Ha! And really snottily too. Yes, part of me wants to know now but part of me just wants to know that I will make it another 20 weeks. And that the end result will be a bouncing baby...whatever. Just healthy and alive. That's all I really want. My kid can wear white and yellow and greeen and brown and orange for the first year of his/her life. I really don't care. And when people ask "Is it a boy or a girl." I will reply "It's alive! Who cares about penises or vagina's?? IT'S HEALTHY."
And maybe we will call it PAT.

Phew!

Heartbeat at 155-160!  Could it be a girl? 2 more weeks and we'll know!

Anxiety!

We have a Dr's appointment tomorrow.  I always feel anxious the week before these appointments.  I think it's because I am not feeling much, if anything yet. Expecially with the Anterior Placenta thing!  I had a bad dream the other night and maybe that is what started it. All I know is that I am anxious.

I also don't know what to do about the work thing.  I think I will provide him the details of the past two weeks and what my boss asked and let him make the decision. I have my schedule for the next few weeks so that is good but I only have 37.50 hours over 2 weeks. And it doesn't look like there is much opportunity for getting more hours. I feel she thinks I am invalid because I am pregnant and won't be able to handle it.  Let me be the judge of that.

So tomorrow will be another milestone, a chance to see my baby and hopefully some good news about work! (as in not having to go anymore!)

17 Weeks 1 Day

Still truckin!  I have an OB appointment this Thursday so we will get to see the little monkey soon. Or at least hear the clippity-clop of the heart! 

It seems I always get most anxious in the week before my appointments.  The other night I had a dream that I lost the baby but it didn't physically hurt and I went right back to work without crying. The worst was having to tell everyone. I think I am feeling some action, but nothing I can say for sure.  A few times I have been sleeping on my belly and I feel as though I am getting punched and told to roll my ass over! LOL  I also had some braxton hicks, I think. A tightening of the belly? Not painful. Will speak to Dr about this as well.

I went for accupuncture yesterday for my lower back and my foot.  My foot is feeling marginally better and I really won't know about my back until I try to go for a walk, which won't be until later.

I am hoping that my Dr puts me off work now. I am not comfortable there anymore.  The one campus is under construction and I got heat stroke while sitting at a desk, not good!! As well there is construction dust and who knows what floating in the air!! I have aheadache everytime I leave there.

So everything is going great!